I usually posts about the comings and goings in our family, but today is a special day for our little family. August 17, 2005 - we were blessed with a choice spirit. Not as most would think, but our first little one here on earth. We went to our routine doctor's appointment -thrilled to finally be pregnant. Everything looked just normal - but the doctor decided to do a sonogram.
To our disbelief, the baby that was in my tummy had already come and gone. Of course there is a wide range of opinions on when life really is life - but for us ... this was our first child. We have a few sonogram pictures that we cherish -as you can see the tiniest little body... and because of the size, the doctor could tell that this little one had at one point had a heartbeat.
With this all said ... I'd like to share some of my thoughts and feelings as a mother - more fore me, than probably for any readers.
Within the few short weeks of being pregnant, I had many impressions that this little one would be a girl. The first an only thing that I bought for "her" ... was these little pink shoes. They are a treasure to me and to our family... as they are one of the few things that were hers in this life. I believe that each spirit that comes to earth is truly a son or daughter of our Heavenly King, and thereby making our little girl -a daughter of the most-high King. She had hands and feet and a beating heart - she needed that tiny yet frail body to complete her mortal existance. Both with this little one, and with Benjamin - I kept a journal of thoughts and experiences prior to their arrivals here on earth. Because of the short time -I just had one journal entry for her ... and her journal became Benjamin's... and he will always be able to read about her.
Here are a few thoughts from the journal entry to her (dated: August 14,2005):
"We know you are a chosen and special spirit, reserved to come in these latter days. You have a strong and everlasting testimony of our Savior, Jesus Christ... Heavely Father has held you in His arms, hs walked and talked with you, and is excited to see you again in His presence... You will be a great help to your Dad and I... You have a spirit that my spirit knows and loves. We were close befoer we came to earth and I cherrish every second I think of you. With all the Love a Mother could have for a little one, Your Mommy"
This little one has been a HUGE help to Jonathan and I - probably our biggest trial in life was losing her - but the greatest blessing to bring the two of us closer to eachother. Now that three years have gone by today - tears still fill my eyes to think of her as joy fills my heart that I will be able to see her again, as I sometimes feel her presence so near. With all the majestic places on earth, I sometimes wonder what the heavens will be like. I'm grateful to have this daughter of our Heavenly Father and King, as part of our family as I look forward to the day we will be together again... and I will know her then, just as I know her now.
4 comments:
I can't even begin to understand how hard a miscarriage would be but I would hope that if I ever had to go through something like that, I would have the positive attitude and strong testimony that you do.
That is the sweetest testimony! Thanks for sharing it to all of us. You are such a terrific Mom, I truly can't imagine what you and Jonathan had to go through losing that baby. You're so sweet, Rach. I'm so glad to know you!
Hugs to you, Rachel! Promises of the future really do bring smiles through the tears. Thanks for sharing your sweet and strong testimony.
Rachel! I found your blog from my brother, Wing's. What a precious family! I love this entry. It makes me think of a quote on a tombstone in the children's area of the Provo cemetery that says, "The crown without the conflict." Thanks for sharing such a precious part of your lives- it's strengthening. Check out our blog it's: thehoughtalings.blogspot.com
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